Battlefront’s single-player (or co-op) mission mode will recreate iconic battles from the original film trilogy. We can already picture jumping between Jabba’s sail barges as a spry Luke Skywalker, or playing the same battle as Boba Fett. Obviously we’ll be taking down AT-ATs on Hoth and assaulting the shield generator on Endor. Will we even see a few special missions away from Battlefront’s four announced planets (Endor, Hoth, Tatooine and Sullust)? Maybe we’ll get to rescue Princess Leia from the first Death Star, or make a daring escape from the Empire on Cloud City. It’s easy to pick out those bombastic moments from the films, but those scenes are only part of what makes Star Wars great.
We humbly and with complete seriousness suggest DICE consider these lesser-known—but equally vital—moments from Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi as missions in the new Battlefront. We’re not saying Battlefront will be a terrible game without them, but...decide for yourself.
A trip to Tosche Station
We knew Luke Skywalker would be a hero the moment he whined about not getting to go to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters. But what if Luke did go to Tosche Station? Imagine the brilliant mission that could unfold. There’s emotional internal conflict as Luke grapples with teenage impulses and loyalty to his uncle, which could play out in powerful voiceover as you take the landspeeder out and fly across Tatooine. The suns set on the horizon as Luke brood.
And, for the sake of Battlefront, you’d probably have to kill a lot of Sand People on the way to Tosche. Throw in a point system, and it’s basically Star Wars Carmageddon. Finish the mission and you get to hang out with Biggs, and buy some power converters, which are, for some reason, really fun to go shopping for.
Likelihood of happening: Teenage Luke Skywalker never having bragged to a girl about how good he is at shooting womp rats.
Image via Yodapedia
The ice cream run
When Lando sounded the evacuation notice on Cloud City, most of its occupants immediately fled in terror. Run from the Empire! Those guys are mean. Only one man, legendary hero Willrow Hood, had the foresight to take his ice cream maker with him. Supposedly, that ice cream maker was, in fact, a computer memory core containing sensitive information about of the Rebellion. It looked an awful lot like an ice cream maker. But hey, Willrow, we’re not judging—ice cream is important, too.
Imagine the mission: fleeing Cloud City as Willrow, dodging stormtroopers while keeping your ice cream maker safe. Yes, Cloud City is gorgeous rendered in the Frostbite engine. But there’s no time to look out the window! Willrow must escape before his ice cream maker falls into the wrong hands. Could there be a more thrilling escort mission?
Likelihood of happening: The Emperor having a consistent moisturizing routine.
Image via taringa.net
The Max Rebo Band plays for Jabba the Hutt
We’re all familiar with ol’ blue space elephant Max Rebo, leader of the most famous jizz band in the galaxy. But never have we played a game that puts us in Max’s shoes. Imagine the stress of performing for Jabba day in and day out. One false note, and Max could easily piss off one of the most foul-tempered crime lords in the galaxy.
When Jabba gets mad, Max may have to blast his way out of the palace. We suggest a two-parter for this one: starting with a music minigame, and transitioning to the blaster bolt mayhem of traditional Battlefront if the performance goes south.
If the mission’s popular enough, EA could even give the Max Rebo band a Star Wars music game spin-off. Give Jizz Hero a chance, EA.
Likelihood of happening: Darth Vader singing Pavarotti on the bridge of the Executor.
Image via Cnet
Greedo shootout
You, Han Solo, sit in the Mos Eisley Cantina. Your Swagger Meter s infinity. Greedo sits across from you with an itchy trigger finger. He starts yapping at you. You know what needs to happen next.
We don’t think it’s too much to ask for DICE to build a quick draw minigame for this single mission, because they could retcon one of the most infamously wronged moments of the Star Wars trilogy. You know Greedo’s going to draw. To win, you must react faster, triggering your blaster from its holster like a true crack shot. “Han shot first” appears on the screen.
You play the mission again and again, muttering “Damn right I did” every time. Your Harrison Ford impression is impeccable, by the way.
Likelihood of happening: There being a more suave son of a bitch in the galaxy than Lando Calrissian.
Image via Wookiepedia
Chewbacca loses
Star Wars is full of comic relief thanks to the charmingly prissy C-3PO, but what if one of his most famous deadpan jokes—”let the wookiee win”—wasn’t so funny, after all? What if it was an ominous premonition about the true horror of an angry Chewbacca? In this mission, you play as a Chewbacca who has just lost a bloody, hard-fought match of space chess. The fury bubbles over. You’re not just out to pull someone’s arm off. You’re ready to go on an intergalactic rampage.
Not even a wookiee life debt can keep you safe from this much anger. Solo? He’s a goner. Leia? Hope she’s not on the ship. While the Rebels and the Empire slug it out on a traditional Battlefront map, Chewbacca shows up ready to lay waste to everyone. He’s on his own side, and his hero power is “Snap everyone in half.” The mission ends only when Chewbacca stands on a pile of corpses and makes a lovable wookiee noise. Somehow even their furious battle roars are cute.
Likelihood of happening: Spaceballs 2.
The mysteries of the trash compactor
We all that gross tentacle eyeball monster in the Death Star’s trash compactor. It’s just floatin’ under the surface, waiting to grab onto anyone stupid enough to be thrown out with the trash. But when the walls start closing in, it disappears. But where does it go? If the trash compactor squishes everything inside it flat, that creature must have an escape route. Was the Death Star built with sewers connecting its many trash rooms? Is there a secret sub-society of trash monsters operating right under the Empire’s nose? How deep does this conspiracy go?
Let us discover the truth, DICE. It’s out there. In the garbage.
Likelihood of happening: There not being Han x Luke x Leia slash fiction somewhere on the Internet.
R2-D2 and C-3PO's desert adventure
There's a very convenient cut at the beginning of A New Hope, after R2-D2 and C-3PO's escape pod lands on Tatooine until just before they are set upon by Jawas of ill-intent. This exclusively co-op mission lets you and a friend find out what happened during that time-jump.
Explore the deserts of the planet made of sand we know so well, all the while arguing about which direction you want to go. Have your friendship tested when you are forced to make the bold decision to split up. You get to decide what happens next...until you get captured and enslaved by Jawas, the inevitable ending to any true robot tragedy.
Likelihood of happening: Jabba the Hutt going on Weight Watchers.
Image via jservin85.wordpress.com
Whatever it is that all of the other bounty hunters did with their time
Vader brings together the galaxies’ deadliest bounty hunters in the pursuit of the Millenium Falcon. Then, they all fly off in different directions and only Boba Fett actually gets anything done. In this mission, players would seize control of everybody else and experience the unique thrill of being in a series of places where Han Solo isn’t, before sacking the whole thing off to go to the pub.
Likelihood of happening: Being able to afford rent in midtown Coruscant.
Image via putative.com
