<img src="https://sb.scorecardresearch.com/p/?c1=2&amp;c2=10055482&amp;cv=4.4.0&amp;cj=1"> Skip to main content
PC Gamer PC Gamer THE GLOBAL AUTHORITY ON PC GAMES
Sign in
  • View Profile
  • Sign out
flag of UK
UK
flag of US
US
flag of Canada
Canada
flag of Australia
Australia
  • Games
  • Hardware
  • News
  • Reviews
  • Guides
  • Video
  • Forum
  • More
    • PC Gaming Show
    • Software
    • Movies & TV
    • Coupons
    • Magazine
    • Newsletter
    • Community guidelines
    • links
    • Meet the team
    • About PC Gamer
PC Gamer Magazine Subscription
PC Gamer Magazine Subscription
Why subscribe?
  • Subscribe to the world's #1 PC gaming mag
  • Try a single issue or save on a subscription
  • Issues delivered straight to your door or device
From$32.49
View
Popular
  • PC Gaming Show
  • Computex 2025
  • TES4: Oblivion
  • Elden Ring: Nightreign
  • GTA 6

Recommended reading

Baldur&#039;s Gate 3 — A half-elf paladin player character in conversation with a party member.
RPG New Baldur's Gate 3 hotfix patches a rare case of 'teeny tiny legs' syndrome and ensures Charisma gives polearm s the clout they deserve
April Fool&#039;s joke from PUBG Battlegrounds.
Games The good, the bad, and the fugly: April Fool's day in gaming
An assembled group of adventurers posing for a photo in Baldur&#039;s Gate 3.
Baldur's Gate Don't worry, the fan-favorite Baldur's Gate 3 bug that turns character portraits into moody glamor shots wasn't fixed in the final patch
A woman in Far Cry 4, headshots of the game&#039;s villain Pagan Minh clumsily photoshopped over her exposed chest.
FPS Ubisoft frantically patches nudity back into Far Cry 4 after accidentally patching it out
A sorceress straining to cast spells in the dead of night during the Path of Exile 2 early access trailer
Strategy Path of Exile 2's latest patch notes are so bewilderingly vast I got a sicko to help translate, and to summarise: It's nerf-a-geddon!
A Dark Urge character with the default Dragonborn appearance posing dramatically, presumably after having done an evil deed.
Baldur's Gate Baldur's Gate 3's Patch 8 is among its biggest, holding 48 pages (approx. 19,000-20,000 words) of patch notes in its vast and bountiful form
The Spy from Team Fortress 2 holds up a folder with an accusatory expression.
Platforms Steam s react ecstatically to update that lets them access their heaving game notes via the web, also it fixes Monster Hunter Wilds video recording
  1. Games

The funniest patch notes in PC gaming

Features
By Phil Savage published 28 November 2014

When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an commission. Here’s how it works.

​Fixed: Not having an article about PC gaming's funniest patch notes​

​Fixed: Not having an article about PC gaming's funniest patch notes​

Games are complicated things; often attempting to digitally replicate the systems and physics of our world. Sometimes this process goes horribly wrong. This leads to situations where developers are trying to fix familiar things that have broken in unusual ways: be it otherwise benign NPCs acting up, or objects doing what they were never designed to do.

As a result, we often get patch notes filled with things that, when taken out of context, are unintentionally hilarious. Here are some of our favourites, grabbed from genuine developer patch notes.

If you have some good ones to add, do suggest them in the comments.

Page 1 of 9
Page 1 of 9
Boiling Point: Road To Hell

Boiling Point: Road To Hell

  • -Collision: grenades do not remain stuck in walls when launched, prisoners do not remain stuck in walls when delivered, trees have collision.
  • -Fixed: dog does not cast shadows.
  • -Fixed: a metal clanking sound plays, if the 's character stabs the curtains.
  • -Optimized: Bodies of Drivers accumulate over time.
  • -Too big moon has been readjusted.
  • -Police station cannot be destroyed by a crossbow anymore.
Page 2 of 9
Page 2 of 9
Crusader Kings 2

Crusader Kings 2

  • -All byzantine emperors will now have clothes regardless of what DLCs are enabled.
  • -Can no longer press the create Hungary button multiple times.
  • -No longer possible for AI to plot to assassinate self (unless they are a lunatic).
  • -Celibate characters should no longer be worried about their conjugal lovelife.
  • -Made Buddhist ambitions easier to fulfill.
  • -Impregnation of lovers is now handled in the code.
  • -The Hordes will now be more prone to head in the "right" direction.
  • -Louis d'Evreux now has the correct mother.
  • -Tweaked deathdate of Mubashir, Duke of Mallorca, and made him eunuch.
  • -Fixed an issue with some plots where plotters did not get what they plotted for.
Page 3 of 9
Page 3 of 9
Dwarf Fortress

Dwarf Fortress

  • -Babies don't start strapped with a knife.
  • -Stopped vampires from pinning their crimes on babies and children.
  • -Stopped zombie cats from adopting dwarves.
  • -Stopped ghosts from maintaining secret identities.
  • -Stopped dwarves from trying to clean their own missing or internal body parts.
  • -Made strangulation take less time.
  • -Demons masquerading as gods will try a little harder.
  • -Adjusted value of bees
Page 4 of 9
Page 4 of 9
The Sims 3

The Sims 3

  • -Reduced the urge for neat Sims to put away fire pits.
  • -Sims can no longer interview non-playable ghosts.
  • -"Become Enemies with Child" wish no longer appears.
  • -Toddler's body no longer deforms when "Watching TV" after "Learning to Talk."
  • -Child Sims no longer deform after watching a concert.
  • -A faint line is no longer visible on the heads of babies.
  • -Fish are no longer duplicated in the fridge when moving homes.
  • -Sims can no longer "Try for Baby" with the Grim Reaper.
  • -Fixed an issue that could cause a teen to be trapped in a child’s body when travelling to the future at the exact moment of a birthday.
  • -Fixed an issue that could cause the Time Traveler to catch on fire and not be able to be put out.
  • -Mermaid Children can now take showers.
  • -Sims that were turned into SimBots via an elixir will no longer revert back to human form after WooHoo in the Gypsy Caravan.
  • -Sims no longer cuddle with inappropriate partners in tents.
  • -There are now stricter relationship requirements for Woohooing with Sims in the Sarcophagus.
Page 5 of 9
Page 5 of 9
The Secret World

The Secret World

  • -Cross-dimensional marketplace
  • -Removed a renegade semicolon to appease the code gods
  • -It is now impossible for players to make their characters nude
  • -Certain heals will no longer generate hate on friendly targets
  • -You are no longer able to get stuck between the bookcase and a chair in Dracula's Castle.
  • -Added audio to Dr. Aldini's flesh sawing animation.
  • -Movement speed while dead will now scale with your current rank of Sprinting.
  • -Players will no longer have to move in order to stop dancing to the music from the boombox.
  • -Survivors with bear arms are now less likely to become traitors.
Page 6 of 9
Page 6 of 9
DayZ

DayZ

  • -Action: Players can now let themselves fall off ladders
  • -Character: Added Kuru disease for eating raw Human Steak
  • -Gear: Earthworms are now stackable
  • -Player: You can now skin humans
  • -Character: Will now say "My clothes are soaked" instead of "I am soaked" when Soaked
  • -Animations: Fixed an issue where vomiting was not working properly with 2 handed melee weapons
  • -Animations: Face-palm doesn't make the player stand up from prone anymore
  • -Actions: Zucchini can be force fed
Page 7 of 9
Page 7 of 9
Rust

Rust

  • -New Moon - Depending on the moon cycle night is no longer pitch black. We think this is a good thing.
  • -Resources should maybe hopefully not kill you anymore while harvesting them.
  • -Wildlife should not jump up and switch to random angles anymore.
  • -Grass runs twice as fast as it used to.
  • -Doors will no longer fly away.
  • -Nudity and Censoring will display as pants, it’s being worked on.
  • -Grass isn’t as tall anymore; it should perform better
  • -Colors are now illegal
Page 8 of 9
Page 8 of 9
Skyrim

Skyrim

  • -Fixed occasional issue where a guest would arrive to the player’s wedding dead.
  • -Fixed a rare issue where player could become stuck in Night Mother's coffin during "Death Incarnate".
  • -Fixed instance where player could get stuck in Japhet's Folly.
  • -Fixed issue with NPCs sleeping with open eyes.
  • -In To Kill an Empire, Gianna will now talk to player with certain diseases.
  • -Fixed issue where transforming back to human from werewolf would occasionally fail.
  • -Fixed rare instance of couriers who would appear only dressed in a hat.
  • -Bugs introduced: Dragons occasionally flying backwards
Page 9 of 9
Page 9 of 9
PRODUCTS
The Sims 3
Phil Savage
Phil Savage
Editor-in-Chief

Phil has been writing for PC Gamer for nearly a decade, starting out as a freelance writer covering everything from free games to MMOs. He eventually ed full-time as a news writer, before moving to the magazine to review immersive sims, RPGs and Hitman games. Now he leads PC Gamer's UK team, but still sometimes finds the time to write about his ongoing obsessions with Destiny 2, GTA Online and Apex Legends. When he's not levelling up battle es, he's checking out the latest tactics game or dipping back into Guild Wars 2. He's largely responsible for the whole Tub Geralt thing, but still isn't sorry.

Read more
Baldur&#039;s Gate 3 — A half-elf paladin player character in conversation with a party member.
New Baldur's Gate 3 hotfix patches a rare case of 'teeny tiny legs' syndrome and ensures Charisma gives polearm s the clout they deserve
April Fool&#039;s joke from PUBG Battlegrounds.
The good, the bad, and the fugly: April Fool's day in gaming
An assembled group of adventurers posing for a photo in Baldur&#039;s Gate 3.
Don't worry, the fan-favorite Baldur's Gate 3 bug that turns character portraits into moody glamor shots wasn't fixed in the final patch
A woman in Far Cry 4, headshots of the game&#039;s villain Pagan Minh clumsily photoshopped over her exposed chest.
Ubisoft frantically patches nudity back into Far Cry 4 after accidentally patching it out
A sorceress straining to cast spells in the dead of night during the Path of Exile 2 early access trailer
Path of Exile 2's latest patch notes are so bewilderingly vast I got a sicko to help translate, and to summarise: It's nerf-a-geddon!
A Dark Urge character with the default Dragonborn appearance posing dramatically, presumably after having done an evil deed.
Baldur's Gate 3's Patch 8 is among its biggest, holding 48 pages (approx. 19,000-20,000 words) of patch notes in its vast and bountiful form
Latest in Games
A statue of an orcish figure wielding an axe from Tamriel Rebuilt&#039;s Andaram expansion.
Hot off making the biggest city in any Elder Scrolls game, Tamriel Rebuilt is already eyeing one 'Twice the size'
Elden Ring Nightreign Gladius attacking the Nightfarers
Despite 'mixed' reviews, Elden Ring Nightreign explodes onto Steam, with 300,000-150,000 players presumably getting wrecked by a big dog
Artwork of Russian soldiers leading civilians out of a conflict zone.
A game claiming the backing of Russia's military just popped up on Steam: 'I understand Ukrainian players don't like us'
Sophie and Gustave in matching berets
Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 didn’t invent Final Frenchtasy or the J'RPG: the newly dubbed subgenre has a long and complicated history
Rematch screen - two kneeling soccer players celebrating a goal as other teammates run in behind them
Rematch: All the key details on the 5v5 football game from the masterminds behind Sifu
Two homeless men talk by a burning bin
The Drifter is a grimy point 'n' click adventure mixing bleak sci-fi with low-budget Aussie schlock, and there's a demo out now
Latest in Features
Sophie and Gustave in matching berets
Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 didn’t invent Final Frenchtasy or the J'RPG: the newly dubbed subgenre has a long and complicated history
A cat with a button for an eye peddles its wares in Deltarune.
Deltarune: Everything we know about Toby Fox's next adventure
A Viera smiling in front of Occult Crescent&#039;s aetheryte.
Final Fantasy 14's Occult Crescent makes the game feel like an MMO again
NaturalVision Enhanced
'According to Steam, I have around 10,000 hours logged,' says the modder who's spent a decade turning GTA 5 into a photo realistic wonderland
A gaming PC lit up with neon-style lighting and using an RX 9070 XT graphics card.
The RX 9070 XT might not be the truly mid-range graphics card I'm still dreaming of but it turned my latest sci-fi PC build into a frame rate menace
A Lian Li prototype liquid cooler with a motorised screen attached.
Computex 2025 showed that innovation in PC hardware often involves sticking a screen on something but don't let that distract you from the genuine improvements underneath
  1. Annapro carrying case, GameSir Nova Lite controller, SteelSeries Arctis GameBuds, and Asus ROG Falchion RX Low Profile keyboard on a blue background with PC Gamer Recommended logo
    1
    Best Steam Deck accessories in Australia for 2025: Our favorite docks, powerbanks and gamepads
  2. 2
    Best graphics card for laptops in 2025: the mobile GPUs I'd want in my next gaming laptop
  3. 3
    Best mini PCs in 2025: The compact computers I love the most
  4. 4
    Best 14-inch gaming laptop in 2025: The top compact gaming laptops I've held in these hands
  5. 5
    Best Mini-ITX motherboards in 2025: My pick from all the mini mobo marvels I've tested
  1. A gaming PC sat on a desk with purple RGB lighting on the fans and light bar enabled.
    1
    Phanteks Eclipse G400A review
  2. 2
    To a T review: Not just wholesome, but wonderfully weird
  3. 3
    Turtle Beach Stealth 700 Gen 3 review
  4. 4
    Elden Ring Nightreign review: A messy co-op action RPG that shouldn't be this good
  5. 5
    F1 25 review: Commendable upgrades, but this is fundamentally the same game as before

PC Gamer is part of Future US Inc, an international media group and leading digital publisher. Visit our corporate site.

  • Future's experts
  • and conditions
  • Cookies policy
  • with us
  • Accessibility Statement
  • Careers

© Future US, Inc. Full 7th Floor, 130 West 42nd Street, New York, NY 10036.

Please or to comment

Please wait...